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“I wanted to be the first girl in my class to get married. From the seventh grade on, I used to write in my yearbook under each senior’s picture, ‘married’ or ‘engaged.’ I had marriage on the brain.”~ Shirley Temple
We’re in love, now what
You have been “serious” for a while, so it just makes sense to take the next step, right? You think you’re ready but how do you know if you are with the person you are destined to marry? More specifically, how do you know if you are dating your future wife or husband? The truth is, the process of going from casual dating to “coupledom” to getting engaged is not as easy as you expect. In fact, there have probably been times when you second-guessed the longevity of your relationship, and whether it would be able to go the long haul…like forever.
In other words, you’ve probably wondered a time or two if your boyfriend or girlfriend is actually the “One.” After all, it’s not like your relationship is right out of Titanic. Moreover, you and your partner, in no way, resemble the sweet, elderly couple from The Notebook, so what gives?
You love each other, but is it enough for marriage – now or in the future?
Signs you’re dating your future wife or husband
Does your current partner really hold a place in your future, and if so, how can you tell? Worry no more! Here’s how to know if you are dating your future wife or husband:
- You have the same or similar values
- You call each other first when something happens, whether good or bad
- You spend a TON of time together
- You feel like you can talk about most things without being judged, bullied, or criticized
- You can both still enjoy your individual friends, hobbies, and interests
- Your partner’s happiness makes you happy as well
- Your partner has a knack for making the “bad stuff” better
- Sitting around and doing “nothing” with your partner is better than going out and doing things with other people
- You feel loved and valued all of the time – even if you’re having a bad day
- You trust your partner 200%
- Your partner accepts you as-is – flaws, quirks, and all?
- Your partner is willing to make sacrifices for you
- You feel safe with your partner
- Your partner brags about you
- … and more!!
You have the same (or similar) values
If you and your partner have the same or similar values, there’s a good chance you may end up happily married in the future. In other words, it is extremely important that you and your future spouse be on the same page when it comes to life issues – i.e. if you want children and if so, the amount, child-rearing beliefs, communication and problem-solving methods, financial habits, religion, etc.
So, if you and your partner share most of the same values, you just may be dating your future wife or husband. More specifically, if you can agree on most of the important things, it will make married life a lot easier. How can you tell if you have the same values? By asking (and answering) the following questions:
1. Do you feel comfortable talking about most things with your partner – without feeling judged, bullied, or criticized?
2. Do you still have your individual friends, hobbies, and interests?
3. Does your partner’s happiness make you happy as well?
4. Is your partner the first person you want to tell when something good or bad happens in your life?
5. Does your partner have a knack for making the “bad stuff” better?
6. Do you feel that sitting around and doing “nothing” with your partner is better than going out and doing things with other people?
7. Do you feel loved and valued all of the time – even if you’re having a bad day?
8. Do you trust your partner 200%?
9. Does your partner accept you as is – flaws, quirks, and all?
10. Is your partner willing to make sacrifices for you?
11. Does your partner make you laugh?
12. Do you feel safe with your partner?
13. Does your partner love and value his or her family?
14. Do you have good chemistry?
15. How would you rate your sex life? Are you sexually attracted to your spouse?
16. Does your partner brag about you?
It’s important to have the same or similar values; if you don’t share these important things, you probably aren’t dating your future wife or husband.
You call eachother first
As mentioned briefly above, if you automatically call each other first when something good or bad happens, you are probably dating your future wife or husband. Why does this even matter? Because that shows you put each other first – and you are willing to sacrifice for the good of each other and your relationship. This is important in any marriage because it symbolizes the commitment you’ve made to each other. It also means that you are always on your partner’s mind and vice versa.
You are the first person your partner thinks about when he or she wakes up, and the last person he or she thinks about before bed. You are also the first person your partner thinks about when he or she gets a promotion at work or a coworker pisses him or her off. Your partner’s voice brightens your day and soothes hurt feelings.
If your partner does these things for you, it sounds like you have a winner and a future spouse on your hands. So, make an effort to call or talk to your partner first thing every morning. Also, make it a habit to share the “highs and lows” with your partner during lunch, breaks, or during dinner. In other words, do things to show your partner he or she will always come first.
If it is a choice between hanging with buddies on a Friday night or staying home with you and watching sappy movies on Netflix, and he or she chooses to stay with you – you are dating your future wife or husband. But, if your partner chooses his or her buddies over you, he or she may not be the “One.”
You spend a TON of time together
If you can’t bear to be apart from each other, you’re most likely dating your future spouse. In other words, if just being around each other makes you feel happy and fulfilled, you’re probably dating your “soulmate.” When you’re in love and truly meant for one another, it feels as if you are the only two people in the world that matter. More specifically, you become immersed in your own private “love bubble.”
Kingdoms could fall and the world swallowed up and you wouldn’t care – just as long as you were together. You want to spend every minute of every day together. It doesn’t matter what – this time could be spent sitting at home and watching your favorite sitcoms together, sipping on lattes together at Starbucks, indulging in ice cream sundaes at Cold Stone Creamery, going skydiving together, and/or going on a romantic summer getaway to Bali, Bora Bora, Paris, Italy, or Hawaii.
Read the longer version
You can learn more about signs you are dating your future wife or husband by reading the following articles: 10 Heart-Warming Signs You Are Dating Your Future Husband by HerWay, How to Find the Right Partner by WikiHow, 5 Signs the Person You’re Dating Is Not Your Future Spouse by Crosswalk, and Signs You’ve Found The Woman You Should Make Your Wife by Elite Daily.
About the Author
Dr. R. Y. Langham
Ph.D. in Family Psychology
Ree has a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.M.F.T.) and a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. She spent over ten years counseling families, couples, individuals, and children on adjustment issues such as blended families, same-sex couples, dysfunctional family relationships, relationship issues, etc. Now she writes for famous health organizations and is a published author.
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