How To Keep Your Spouse Happy In Life

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“My husband…is my happy place.”

~ Intentionally Today

According to the CDC, approximately 45% of matrimonies end in acrimonious divorces, especially when they occur in your 20s. Yikes. But, when you factor in the stress of ongoing custody battles and financial disagreements, it’s no wonder why young people are leery about getting married. It’s hard to imagine being stuck with one person for the rest of your life – let alone trying to keep that person happy forever.

But, being married and staying married can be beneficial. In fact, according to a recent study, successful marriages go hand-in-hand with successful careers. As a result, many career-oriented millennials strive to keep their spouses happy.

However, the truth is the “honeymoon stage” does not last forever. Eventually, reality sets in and smacks you in the face. It takes work to keep a marriage afloat, but just because it takes effort does not mean it is impossible to keep your spouse happy and fulfilled.

So, what is a happy spouse?

Well, a happy spouse is someone who feels loved, respected, valued, and heard all of the time.

Keep in mind that every or almost every marriage starts out with romance, respect, physical intimacy, passion, love, kindness, excitement, an emotional connection, and shared beliefs and interests. But over time these exhilarating feelings can start to disappear. That’s when it becomes extremely important for you to do your part to strengthen or improve your emotional connection and bond.

Your goal then becomes to keep your spouse as happy as possible. Your aim becomes to constantly reassure your partner that he or she is not only loved, but also highly valued. He or she needs to feel special.

The good news is there are ways you can keep your husband or wife happy forever. Remember, a happy spouse makes for a happy home. So, it’s worth it to at least try, right?

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Actionable Steps


Be a light in a dark space

A great way to keep your husband or wife insanely happy is to be that light in a dark space. Be the support system he or she needs you to be. This is especially important when your spouse is experiencing hardship. You want your husband or wife to feel that they can always come to you for some happiness, light, support, and positivity.

When your partner tells you he or she has had a crappy day, shower him or her with hugs and kisses. Reassure him or her that “everything will be okay.” Your spouse needs to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel with that light being you. Also, let your partner know you are proud of him or her all of the time. Say something like, “Don’t worry, we will work through it and you will emerge stronger and more resilient than ever. We’ve got this!”


Be respectful

Think before you talk and definitely before you act. How would you feel if your spouse said or did those things to you? Also, be mindful of the tone of your voice. Sometimes, it’s not what you say that is upsetting, it’s how you say it. And, refrain from texting things to your spouse that he or she could misinterpret.
If by chance, you accidentally say something that upsets or angers your husband or wife, apologize – even if you don’t think you did anything wrong.


Because what may be nothing to you may be extremely important to your significant other. Likewise, if your spouse does something to upset or anger you, wait until you have calmed down and can think and speak rationally. When the time is right, sit down and talk with him or her (distraction-free).

Avoid blaming statements but let your spouse know exactly what hurt or angered you. Don’t forget to listen to his or her perspective about the situation and keep an open mind. Respect stems from a healthy dose of open and honest communication from both people.


Communicate, even when it’s challenging

If you want your husband or wife to be happy in life, you’ll need to communicate often – even when it’s challenging. You are not a mind reader and neither is your spouse. You are going to have to share your thoughts and feelings with him or her. Keep in mind that studies suggest that men and women communicate differently, so don’t automatically assume the worst if your spouse does not communicate like you.
It is important that you and your partner learn each other’s communication styles; you’ll communicate better with each other if you speak each other’s “languages.” Once you have a good idea of how to communicate with your husband or wife where he or she can understand you, then be open, honest, and direct with him or her.

Mixed messages are never good. Encourage your spouse to share his or her thoughts and feelings with you and let him or her know that their thoughts and feelings are important and valued. Communicate even when it is challenging because doing so will foster respect and trust.


Have sex regularly

Every relationship needs physical intimacy, and if that intimacy comes in the form of lots of sex, then so be it! According to studies, men typically show their love and affection through sex, while women typically show theirs through hugs, kisses, gestures, spooning, foreplay, and caresses. Still, both men and women enjoy some form of sexual activity. So, have sex regularly or at least be intimate with your spouse on a regular basis. If you make physical intimacy a priority, you’ll have one very happy husband or wife. Trust me. 


Shower your spouse with little surprises

Shower your spouse with little surprises. I guarantee these thoughtful gestures will make your husband or wife very happy in life. The surprises don’t need to be overly expensive, in this situation less is more. However, they should come from your heart. Be creative and thoughtful. For instance, if you’re wife has been working really long hours at the hospital, have dinner prepared for her when she comes home.
Or, prepare your husband’s lunch when he’s running late for work. Surprise your spouse with his favorite pizza, chips, soda, candy, etc. for a surprise low-key date night, or leave love notes in his or her lunchbox, bookbag, suitcase, purse, or briefcase. Pick up around the house or wash clothes, so your spouse has less to do. 
The truth is you don’t have to do grand gestures to show your spouse how much you love him or her, all you have to do is find ways to make his or her life a little bit easier and he or she will be a lot happier in life.


Read more on this topic

If you are interested in learning more about how to keep your husband or wife happy for life, check out the following articles: How to Keep Your Husband Happy, How to Keep Your Wife Happy, and 11 Ways To Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier Starting Today.

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About the Author

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Ph.D. in Family Psychology

Ree has a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.M.F.T.) and a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. She spent over ten years counseling families, couples, individuals, and children on adjustment issues such as blended families, same-sex couples, dysfunctional family relationships, relationship issues, etc. Now she writes for famous health organizations and is a published author.
Full Bio | LinkedIn

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