Staying Faithful In A Marriage
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“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
~ Barbara De Angelis
Did you know that your thoughts and beliefs can influence your behaviors? Well, it’s true! The more you think about doing something, the more likely it is to happen. What does that mean in a marriage? It means that if you think about being with someone (other than your spouse) long enough, you’re more likely to do just that. Broken down it means that if you think about cheating, eventually you will cheat. Period.
Because we have been taught to do so. More specifically, we have been taught that it is “okay” to cheat on the person we love. It’s a mindset – a mentality. Our thoughts create and encourage lust. It’s how we think about ourselves, others, and the world around us. And, it’s how we perceive right and wrong. So, the only way to stay faithful in a marriage is to change how we think about our actions – and our marriages. The good news is that can happen, but it will take work. You can remain faithful to your spouse. All it takes is love, respect, patience, tolerance, and a solid commitment.
According to a recent study, both men and women are likely to cheat on their spouses – at almost the same rate.
For instance, approximately 45% of married women are unfaithful and approximately 55% of married men are unfaithful. So, it is extremely important to take steps that will safeguard your marriage.
You can learn more about “staying faithful in a marriage” by reading the following articles: How to Be Faithful in a Marriage, How Faithful Are You Really in Your Marriage?, Monogamy And Marriage, and 10 Benefits of Faithfulness.
The first step to preserving your marriage is to understand that you are no longer single. What does that mean? It means you are no longer allowed to come and go as you please. Because you got married, you have a responsibility to be faithful to your spouse – whether you like it or not. And, the sooner you accept this fact, the better it will be for you, your spouse, and your children.
Accepting that you are a married man or woman is key to reducing or eliminating the risk of arguments – and divorce. When you behave as if you are a single person, it causes others to also view you that way – which heightens the risk of infidelity. So, don’t do that. Instead, keep the commitment you made to your spouse at the forefront of your mind at all times. Because, if you don’t, you really will end up single.
Another important thing to do if you are trying stay faithful to your spouse is to wear your wedding ring whenever you go out. Leaving your ring at home sends a signal that you are “free and ready to mingle.” You may be “ready to mingle,” but you are definitely not “free.” You are married and should act like it by wearing your ring. The ring says to the world that you are taken – and proud of it.
The ring also says to those who want to break up a happy home, “stay back!” If you are out with friends, at work, etc. and someone tries to make a pass at you, flash your ring and tell him or her that you’re taken. If that still does not deter the other person, avoid him or her as much as possible, and do not flirt back, because it sends mixed messages to the other person.
Although it is important to wear your wedding ring when you go out, there are some exceptions to this rule. For instance, if you play a sport, are taking a shower, washing dishes, working in the yard, or if wearing jewelry goes against religious tenets or a work policy, it is acceptable to remove your ring. However, put it back on as soon as you can.
If you want to stay faithful in your marriage, you’ll want to refrain from creating unnecessary drama. In other words, don’t be malicious and do things that you know will anger or upset your spouse. Why not? Because testing your spouse’s love and commitment by flirting with other people in front of him or her will only lead to disaster. He or she will never look at you the same and it will trigger mistrust, havoc, anxiety, and infidelity in your relationship.
Instead of creating drama, do something productive with your time like volunteering at an animal shelter, picking up a new hobby like knitting, golf, tennis, or calligraphy, getting some exercise by joining a gym or sports team, spending time with friends and family you haven’t seen in a while, or pampering yourself by going to a spa, trying out a new facial mask, getting a new hair color and cut, and/or going to bed earlier.
Although no one is immune to temptations, you don’t have to act on them – unless you want to. We all have freewill to make our own choices so you can choose to stay faithful to your spouse – even if you become tempted by someone else. One of the best ways to keep your relationship intact is to “spice it up.”
What does that mean? It means spicing things up in the bedroom, trying something new together like bungee jumping, skydiving, and/or going on a hot air balloon together, and adding or intensifying the romance factor in your marriage by going on romantic dinners and/or weekend getaways (without the kids).
Spicing things up also includes surprising your honey at work with flowers or candy gift baskets, sending thoughtful texts, cuddling before bed each night, showering your spouse with compliments, giving your spouse sweet kisses when he or she least expects them, and reminding your spouse just how much you love him or her on a daily basis. These romantic gestures can improve your relationship and reinforce how committed you are to your marriage.
Instead of focusing solely on your kids, jobs, household responsibilities, etc., how about taking time out to concentrate on each other, while having some good old fashioned FUN! When spouses no longer have time for each other, it opens the door to infidelity and/or divorce. So, always make time to have fun together. Get a babysitter and go out on dates at least twice a month.
Make reservations at a romantic restaurant, go bowling, play putt-putt golf at your local family center, go ice skating, have a ““Netflix and Chill” night, play video games together, watch your favorite sitcoms and munch on popcorn, while cuddling-up on the couch, and go for long, scenic drives through your city together. These activities can re-spark the love you felt for each other when you first started dating. It can also prevent infidelity from entering your marriage.
Ph.D. in Family Psychology
Ree has a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.M.F.T.) and a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. She spent over ten years counseling families, couples, individuals, and children on adjustment issues such as blended families, same-sex couples, dysfunctional family relationships, relationship issues, etc. Now she writes for famous health organizations and is a published author.
Full Bio | LinkedIn
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