What Is Attraction?

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“I don’t have a type. But one thing I can say from my dating experience is that a physical attraction will only take you so far. So you definitely have to have a strong intellectual connection as well.”

~ Jesse Metcalfe

What makes a person attractive

Have you ever thought about the true meaning of “attraction?” What does it really mean to be attracted to someone? Where does this attraction come from? How can I become more attractive to others? Well, guess what…contrary to popular belief, attraction isn’t solely based on someone’s appearance.

Animal magnetism

The truth is, people who are considered highly attractive have this “thing” about them – an animal magnetism. What does that mean? It means it’s more than just how they look that draws people towards them. Maybe it’s their confidence, personality, charm, kindness, and/or intellect that draw us towards them.  Maybe it’s something even greater than that, like pheromones (chemicals in the body that attract others when secreted). One thing is for sure, attraction is more than just what is on the outside.

Different types of attraction

It is also important to understand there are different types of attraction. In other words, it doesn’t have to be romantic in nature. For instance, you could be attracted to certain people, situations, friendships, jobs, activities, opportunities, or even certain jujus (vibes) – i.e. laid-back vs. high-strung. There is also a sexual attraction, emotional attraction, spiritual attraction, and physical attraction. And, guess what? Attraction is one of the main motivators for people.

Attraction makes us feel connected, inspired, and motivated.

For example, it is the initial attraction that prompts you to speak to another person. It’s also attraction that makes the person keep hanging around. Think of it this way – attraction is a magnet that pulls people towards each other. When you become attracted to something or someone, you become interested, which means you want to learn more about him or her. It makes us want to be around the object(s) of our attraction.

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Read the longer version

You can learn more about attraction and how to be more attractive by reading the following articles: 4 Things You Need to Know About Attraction by Gaiam, What Is The Law Of Attraction? Open Your Eyes To A World Of Endless Possibilities by The Law of Attraction, 13 Things Scientifically Proven to Make You More Attractive by Reader’s Digest, and 9 Ways Anyone Can Instantly Be More Attractive by Jordan Gray Consulting.


Live a little

One of the things you’ll want to do to become more attractive to others is to live a little! In other words, be spontaneous! Our brains behave like hungry and tired toddlers; they tire easily and expect to be fed when hungry. For adults, this hunger comes in the form of stimulation. Being “sexy” and “hot” simply isn’t enough to keep the attention of others. Once the “sexiness” and “hotness” wears off, boredom sets in. Once that happens, you lose the attention of others.
So, if you want to attract others, you’re going to have to get out and live a little. Go with friends to sporting events, grab dinner and drinks with co-workers after work, join a gym, go on summer vacations with your BFFs, see the world, and/or learn a cool new hobby. Have some fun! If you enjoy life, it will show in your demeanor, attitude, and actions. The result? People will flock to you because you’re an exciting person. 


Think positively

If you want people to take more interest in you, you are going to have to start thinking positively about yourself and others. So, rid your mind and life of negativity. How? Try meditating or practicing yoga. If negative thoughts start to bombard your mind, stop and force yourself to replace them with healthier and more positive ones.
Or, completely overhaul your friend base, keeping only those who “spark joy in your life.” If you need help with this step, find positive affirmations on the Web, print them out, and surround yourself with these uplifting words of encouragement. Also, make a list of your positive qualities and focus on them. How can you expect others to love you, when you don’t even love yourself?
People who are negative and harsh towards themselves, i.e. their weight, height, body shape, “looks,” intellect, personality, etc., are more likely to “infect” other people’s lives with this negativity. As a result, others avoid them because their negativity is draining and unattractive. So, don’t do that and don’t hang around with people who make you feel “less than” or “like crap.” You deserve better than that. You are better than that. So, do yourself a favor and be your own cheerleader. Surround yourself with other cheerleaders. If you believe in yourself, others will also believe in you. 


Exhibit confidence

Lastly, exhibit confidence. Focus on the things you do well and try to strengthen those elements. Make a list of your positive attributes and say these things aloud when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed. Keep reminding yourself just how special and important you are, and don’t allow anyone to tell you any different.
On that same note, don’t put others down to make yourself feel more powerful or confident. Be kind and confident. And, exhibit confidence, even when you don’t feel very confident inside. In other words, “fake it until you make it.” Why? Because that will attract others to you. 

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About the Author

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Ph.D. in Family Psychology

Ree has a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.M.F.T.) and a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. She spent over ten years counseling families, couples, individuals, and children on adjustment issues such as blended families, same-sex couples, dysfunctional family relationships, relationship issues, etc. Now she writes for famous health organizations and is a published author.
Full Bio | LinkedIn

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