Why Am I Still Single?

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Shorter Version

Est. Reading Time: 2 Minutes

“Twenty-two is basically the only age you can use as leverage. Meaning that because it’s the exact age between life-as-you-know-it and what will later be known as ‘real life’ (that’s scientifically proven, of course), people expect you to make some mistakes. Mistakes like overcooking a pot roast or dating someone, who may not be right for you. And that’s okay, because heck, you’re just 22.”

~ Shanelle Kaul

What is happening

So, you’re in your 20s and still single…Why? The truth is some young adults are single because they want to be single. It’s a personal choice. These individuals simply aren’t interested in becoming part of a twosome.

The purpose of this article is to give you realistic tips on how to improve your relationship status – if you want to.

They just don’t want to be in a serious relationship right now. The 20s are supposed to be a time to “wild out” and have a little – scratch that – a lot of fun. It’s a time to sow your oats, right? Why be tied down when you could be out having all sorts of amazing and fun experiences?

Others are single just because “life happens sometimes.” Maybe they just broke up with someone and aren’t ready yet to jump back into the dating pool. Or, maybe they have tried to date, but it has always led to dead ends. Perhaps they just haven’t met the right one yet, but are still actively looking for Mr. or Miss Right.

I want a relationship, why am I still single?

Some 20-somethings are single because they have intimacy fears, low self-esteem or self-confidence, social anxiety, depression, mental or health issues, past trauma or child abuse, a history of “bad relationships,” and/or chronic stress. But, some are single because they are just too doggone picky! The goal of this article isn’t just to point out why you may be single – and then leave you hanging.

No, the purpose of this article is to give you realistic tips on how to improve your relationship status – if you want to. It is your choice. If you enjoy being single for this reason or that – there’s no shame in your game. However, if you are a 20-something and tired of being single – help is on the way.

Do what you want

You truly are the maker of your own destiny, especially when it comes to how you want to live your life. So, regardless of what you decide to do, rock your decision. Don’t allow others to dictate your relationship status – do what feels right for you.

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Actionable Steps


Read the longer version

You can learn more about “why you are still single in your 20s” by reading the following articles, reviewed to be the best by our professionals: 5 Essential Qualities for a Romantic Partner by Psychology Today, Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single by Psych Alive, 8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single by Psychology Today, and 8 Ways to Find the Right Partner for You by GG Magazine.


Be friendly

The best way to snag the man or woman of your dreams — and maybe even your future spouse — is to be friendly. Smile from inside – not just on the surface. Chitchat and ask questions (not too personal at first). The goal is to be engaged with others. If you find something in common with the other person or people, build on that. It’s easy to be friendly if you share a common interest with someone else. If talking about a particular topic makes you feel sociable and friendly – keep going.
Not sure how to come across as “friendly”… No problem. There are plenty of tools available online to help you spiff up your “friendly vibe,” such as How To Be More Friendly And Social and 11 Tips For Being A Bit More Friendly In Everyday Life. Also, ask your close friends and family members about areas in which you could be friendlier when you are out. Listen to their feedback – without being offended, because their commentary may actually help you fall and stay in love.



Get out there! The only way you’re going to meet the person of your dreams is to go out and meet new people! One of the best ways to mingle is to go to parties and festivals, attend social events and celebrations, purchase tickets (and actually go) to concerts, hang out with friends on the weekends, etc.
Have you ever gone to a “karaoke night” or “open mic night” at a local bar or club? No… Well, guess what? It’s a great way to have a ton of fun with friends – and meet new people. And, if you start going to weekly events at the same place, people will start to recognize you. The result? You’ll make new friends and you may just meet the man or woman you’ve been waiting for.
Not into karaoke, bars, or clubs? That’s cool. Maybe you can join a local co-ed sports team. Adult co-ed softball, baseball, and soccer are good ways to mingle and get some exercise. Another good thing about adult co-ed sports is they are usually relaxed and super fun. If you meet someone you’d like to get to know better, ask him or her to meet you somewhere for a bite to eat or a couple of adult beverages (to unwind, of course).
If the thought of asking your crush out terrifies you, make it a group event. For instance, suggest that you all go out and grab a bite to eat and/or a couple of drinks after practice or a game. Going out as a group can ease your nerves, so your personality shines in front of your love interest. 
Not into sports? Well, how about volunteering at a non-profit like the Red Cross, Lupus Foundation, animal mission, or your local homeless shelter? Helping others is a good way to build your self-esteem and self-confidence. It also gives you an opportunity to mingle with other volunteers who share your interests and passions. What does that mean? It means you may find someone there you are compatible with!


Be open to new people and new experiences

The only way you are going to find the right person for you is to be open to new people and experiences. A good relationship involves love, respect, and compatibility (common interests). But, you won’t know if you are compatible with someone if you are closed off to new people and new experiences.
So step outside of your comfort zone and do something you’ve never done before like going to a cooking class, participating in festivals, learning how to play a new instrument, taking a psychology course at your local college, going on cruises, taking summer vacations with friends, mingling at clubs or bars, and spending time with people from other races/ethnicities and/or religions. Maybe that person you swore you’d never date will eventually become the love of your life. You never know.

Being open to new people and experiences gives you a chance to grow and become less judgmental. It also provides you with plenty of opportunities to discover what you really want and need out of a person and a relationship. So, stop being so picky and explore all that the world has to offer.

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About the Author

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Dr. R. Y. Langham

Ph.D. in Family Psychology

Ree has a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy (M.M.F.T.) and a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. She spent over ten years counseling families, couples, individuals, and children on adjustment issues such as blended families, same-sex couples, dysfunctional family relationships, relationship issues, etc. Now she writes for famous health organizations and is a published author.
Full Bio | LinkedIn

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